The Big Move

May 10, 2023

I have been wanting to write this post for weeks...
I have thought about how to go about it...
I have multiple drafts saved...

Where to begin?

How about here:


I can't believe it and honestly there is still a part of me that is cautiously optimistic that it will even happen. There are so many moving parts and there are still unknown things that could go wrong and derail the plan so I think I'll believe it once my toes hit the tarmac in Toronto. Is anyone else like this?

As I said, I've been thinking constantly about how to go about this post. It's exciting and I've wanted to be back in Canada for so long. The main reason is to be close to family and friends again (especially now that I have kids) but I'm also looking forward to enjoying nature without worrying about the quality of the air each day... to giving my kids a back yard... and to hopefully feeling a sense a familiarity of being 'home' (though reverse culture shock will be real and unavoidable)…

... but the move also involves mourning the end of my life in Korea.

It's complicated.

I moved to Korea to teach 'for a year' in 2011 and for the 12 years I've been here, I've basically been in the 'for a year' mindset... and it's admittedly a really odd way to live. In terms of material possessions, I've been non-committal. I have furniture and appliances which I have always known have an eventual expiry date. In terms of friendships and relationships, it meant that when I met/married PH, it was upon the understanding that my/our life plan involved eventually returning to Canada. Friendships abroad are always complicated since non-Korean friends eventually move away, but even with Korean friends there has always been this tiny part of my brain telling me not to get too attached because it wouldn't last forever.

However, despite that pattern of thought, I created a deep and meaningful life here with amazing friendships and connections and memories. I'm going to miss the lifestyle, the food, and the people so much. 

I guess what I want to express in this post is that, while I am so so SO looking forward to being in Canada and to beginning this new chapter in my/my family's life, it is not simply just that ...

and if Big Bang comes out with an album/tour this year I'm going to be real mad.

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